


What Was Real

by songofhell



Series: Real [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, but it's more obviously there in this one, spoilers for 12x02, the sastiel is still only hinted at
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-21
Updated: 2016-10-21
Packaged: 2018-08-23 19:39:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8340163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/songofhell/pseuds/songofhell
Summary: Sam is still struggling with everything Toni did to him, and on top of that, wrapping his head around the fact that he has his mom back. He doesn't normally like to talk to people about what's bothering him, but Castiel had said he could call, so maybe he should take him up on that offer.





	

Sam laid in bed for several minutes, making excuses as to why he shouldn’t call, before he finally gave up and snatched his phone up off the nightstand.

“Sam?” Castiel answered, his voice concerned.

“Hey, Cas. You said to call if I needed anything, and it’s not urgent, but-”

“I will be right there.”

“Thanks,” he breathed a sigh of relief.

It was only fifteen minutes later that there was a knock at his bedroom door.

“Come in,” he called, and Castiel stepped into the bedroom, pulling the door shut behind him. “Thanks for coming, Cas.”

“Of course, Sam. What do you need?”

“I just…” Damn, he felt stupid saying this out loud. Asking for help with things like this was generally something that he and his brother avoided, but he was worried he’d go crazy if he didn’t talk about it. “I’m just feeling a bit overwhelmed, and need someone to talk to.”

Castiel’s expression relaxed and Sam was relieved to see no judgement there. “You can talk all you need. I will listen.”

Castiel sat down on the bed beside him and he told him everything. What Toni did to him, how determined he was not to give in, how useless she made him feel… all of the things that he couldn’t bring himself to burden his brother with.

“The physical torture I could handle, you know – it was nothing compared to the things Lucifer did to me…. But the mental shit… I hate not know what’s real and what’s not – it’s like having hallucinations all over again.”

Castiel squeezed his eyes shut. “Sam, I am so sorry for all the pain that I have ever put you through.”

“No, Cas, that wasn’t a jab at you,” Sam said quickly.

“It doesn’t matter. Those hallucinations were still my fault. And then I let Toni get to you to cause you even more pain. I keep thinking that if I had paid more attention, or moved quicker, none of it would have happened. When I got back to the bunker and realized you weren’t there, I felt terrible. I was willing to do whatever it took to get you back safely. I think I rather alarmed your mother with a couple of the interrogations.”

Sam couldn’t help but smile at that. “It… it means a lot to me that you care so much. But you shouldn’t blame yourself for it. Really. She knew you would be here, and she was ready for it.”

Castiel nodded. “How are things with your mother?”

“Weird, ya’ know?” Sam huffed out a laugh. “It’s like I’ve always dreamt about having her in my life, imagined what it would be like, but now she’s _here,_ and I don’t know how to act. All I know about her are the things I’ve been told, but she’s my _mom,_ and I’ve never had that before. She called me out on looking at her like she was going to explode, and she’s right. I just… I don’t know how to let myself believe that she’s back for good.” He shook his head slightly as he pressed his thumb against the palm of his left hand. Castiel had healed the cut that had been there, but the pressure still helped to remind him of what was real. “And I know this is real, and not just another hallucination, but… I’m still scared that I’ll wake up back in that cellar, and I don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to hold on after this.”

“I would give anything to be able to heal you of all your injuries, Sam – not just your physical ones. If I could wish for anything, that is what it would be. You have suffered so much more pain than anyone should have to endure, and you still carry the worst of it with you.”

Sam shrugged as he rolled onto his back to look up at the ceiling. “I deserve it.”

“That could not be further from the truth. No one has as good of a heart as you do, Sam Winchester. If anyone deserves a life free of suffering, it is you.”

“Thanks, Cas,” he muttered, even though he was sure he was just saying it to make him feel better. They were silent for a few moments before he gathered the courage to speak again. “Would it be too much for me to ask of you to stay with me tonight? I’d just rather not be alone right now.”

“That would never be too much to ask,” Castiel said with a smile. “I would be more than happy to stay with you.”

“Thank you.” What he wanted more than anything was the comfort of actually having contact with the angel, but he was sure that that really _would_ be too much, so he forced himself to stay still. Castiel had other plans, though; he wrapped an arm around Sam, pulling him to his side. “Thank you, Cas,” he murmured again into Castiel’s chest as he curled into his side.

“My pleasure, Sam.”


End file.
